Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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