Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
