My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
