yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
