On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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