So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
