it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
