Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
