I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
