it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
