3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
