...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
