I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
