I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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