I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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