So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
