Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
