And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am available for nakedness
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
