ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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