i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
