trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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