i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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