Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This toilet bowl is my home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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