i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize