Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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