thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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