I accidentally had phone sex last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just puked most of my soul out..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
