apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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