I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
