I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
