just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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