I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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