Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
