Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
