if you like me you must not know who I am
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
