I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no you cant smoke seaweed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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