we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
