Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's always time for handjobs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
