Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
