watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
