none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
