She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
