I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
