he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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