i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My vagina just recognized that song.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
