why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
