your parents love me but you hate me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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