This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
