Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
are you so shy because you have an std?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
