you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
