i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
