My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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