i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
