and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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