Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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