ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
