Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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