You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
