Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
