i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
