i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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