I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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