Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
