just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
