1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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