fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
