sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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