Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
