I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
