im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
