whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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