I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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