Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
