I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
