Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
