I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
