i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
