it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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