I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
