Your face is a jimmy john
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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